


Want you

by Karieauthoress (ksrandomme), ksrandomme



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-30
Updated: 2009-03-30
Packaged: 2017-10-18 09:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/187270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksrandomme/pseuds/Karieauthoress, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksrandomme/pseuds/ksrandomme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just what does Jim want?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Want you

 

  
 _Dead Drop_

It had been one of the worst days of both their lives. For Blair, a simple appraisal had turned into a life and death struggle in a small metal box held up 30 floors by a madman with an itchy detonator finger. For Jim, what had started as a terrorist warning, turned into a fearful standoff over money with Blair being caught in between. Tension had mounted higher and higher until that near fatal moment in time when the detonator had been triggered and Jim thought all was lost.

But thankfully, fate had been kind for both men. When the end had come it had not been as explosive as it could have been. Blair had managed to cut the floor out and dropped the bomb away from himself and the elevator car full of passengers. Jim had not tossed Galileo out a window much as he must have wanted to. The explosion had not heralded Armageddon for either man that day.

And that was the end of it. Jim brought his suspect down to the lobby, handing him off to another officer for booking. Blair and the hostages left the elevator car, shaken but no less damaged for their adventure. It was with great relief that Jim collected his friend with hand on his back, guiding him out of the lobby to the truck.

Simon walked out behind them, calling out to them as they reached the parking lot. “Jim, wait up!”

Jim turned and Blair leaned against the passenger side of the truck, his head tipped back to look up at the perfectly blue sky above him. Simon walked over to them, laid one hand on Jim’s shoulder and squeezed Blair’s arm with the other. “You two did good in there… Jim take the kid home, put him to bed and I’ll see you later. Both of you… later.”

Blair said nothing, merely nodded exhaustedly in agreement and turned to climb into the truck, Jim’s hand on his elbow to help him along. Today had been the worst day of both their lives.

o-O-o

The ride home remained silent as did the ride up in the elevator. In fact, Jim was pretty sure that this was the longest that Blair had ever been silent since they had met, not counting sleep. But he understood his friend. Blair was beginning that thing he called processing and Jim needed to do a little processing of his own.

As soon as the door shut behind Blair, Jim spun around and planted a hand on either side of the curly head, effectively trapping him against the solid door. Blair didn’t make a sound. He simply locked the door behind him, his bright blue eyes never wavering from where they were locked onto Jim’s blue ice chips.

Jim matched that steady gaze and leaned forward, monitoring Blair’s heartbeat as he did so, and cautiously nosed into the sweat dampened curls at Blair’s temple. He sniffed, rooting and nudging a bit until he got a pure whiff of unadulterated ‘Blairscent’. Spicy, sweet, tangy and earthy all rolled together over his palette and clung to the back of his throat. He purred as the concentrated odor sent shivers down his spine.

Blair held completely still as Jim began to trace a path only he could sense. His nose went from Blair’s temple to push into the mass of curls behind his left ear and then followed the unseen line down further to skim the edge of his T-shirt’s neckline finally coming back up to the right ear, all the while cataloguing the scent of the Guide. The alive Guide, though it had been closer than they liked to think this time. Jim was doing his best not to think about it and there were only the minutest of shivers running through the smaller body he had pinned to the door with his own body.

Blair reached a hand out to pat Jim’s shoulder. A gesture that plainly said ‘I understand’ more than words ever could. Jim pulled back to meet those perfect blue eyes again. Before he could say anything, Blair pressed two fingers over his lips, silencing him yet again. Jim nodded, reached up and took Blair’s hand in his and led him over to the couch, where he plopped down before dragging Blair into his lap.

They wound arms around each other and held tightly, shuddering as the emotions they had pushed down before slipped up to batter them. Jim gently rocked his friend, whispering nonsense and soothing tones into the ear covered by curls as Blair silently cried, finding the release he so desperately needed with his Sentinel there to watch over him and protect him.

The rocking stayed gentle, slow back and forth, not too deep. One of Blair’s hands stroked the dirty shirt that Jim still wore, streaked with grease and smelly with sweat. The other hand patted the short brush-cut hair on Jim’s head, sliding down to stroke the powerful jaw. Jim said nothing as he shifted gently, nosing under Blair’s curls to find that scent once again.

It was gradual, this shifting, nosing, scenting. Jim didn’t know what was driving him to seek out the evidence of his Guide’s life, but he was reveling in the sound of Blair’s heartbeat, the scent of his skin, the sight of his flushed face, the touch of his square hands, the taste… taste was something he hadn’t ever had the privilege of experiencing. And suddenly he wanted to. Suddenly it was imperative that he taste his Guide.

With a twist and a shift, Jim came face to face with his friend, a man that he loved more than life itself. And wasn’t that an amazing thing to realize after nearly losing this most precious human being. But he dismissed all those thoughts as he leaned in slowly, giving Blair plenty of time to pull away.

But Blair didn’t pull away and when Jim’s lips pressed gently against his he almost gasped aloud. And Jim could only imagine what Blair was thinking right now. He dismissed this as well as he pressed further, tickling Blair’s lips with his tongue as he enticed him to open for him. Their first kiss was… heaven.

Their second kiss was more heated as they broke through the barrier that held them back, acknowledging and granting permission to each other to touch, to hold, and to meld together. Blair tightened his hold on Jim’s shirt struggling to get deeper into Jim’s mouth. Jim threaded his fingers through Blair’s wavy curls loving the soft texture that shifted through his hands. They stopped counting kisses and touches and gave themselves over to the pleasures they received from each other.

But when Jim’s hand found its way under the hem of Blair’s shirt to stroke the soft skin of his belly, Blair suddenly seemed to come back to himself. He pushed back on the hands giving him so much pleasure even though he didn't seem to want to do so. He sat up staring deeply into Jim’s eyes and shut it all down with one question, “What are we doing, Jim?”

Jim shook his head in confusion, “Um… I um… I’m trying to…”

“This is about reaffirming life, isn’t it Jim? You thought you lost your Guide.” Blair shook his head. “I can’t do this with you on just a whim.”

Jim stopped Blair with a finger to his lips. “It’s not just a whim, Chief. This is more than wanting to know my Guide is alive… I almost lost you, Blair. You’re my best friend and I almost lost you.”

Blair waited, and then sighed. “Your best friend… I value our friendship too, Jim. And I don’t want to lose it on something that… well, you _*know*_ me… commitment is not something I do so well.”

“But this could be different,” Jim interrupted, but Blair silenced his friend once again with a finger.

“It’s a risk I’m not willing to take, man. You are so much more important than that.” Blair climbed off his lap then and moved off to his room. Jim remained on the couch feeling - hell, he didn't know what he was feeling. Sad, bereft... defeated? He sighed and did the only thing he could at that moment, he closed his eyes and imprinted the taste of his friend into his memories.

 

o-O-o

  
 _The Sentinel by Blair Sandburg_

Jim watched half bemused and half regretful as Blair did the damage control they had discussed during some long nights in the loft. Blair had always said Jim’s privacy meant more than him being published and that he’d done the only thing he could do when the ‘diss’ had been leaked. The situation at the time had been so volatile and had only made things that much worse and Blair’s sacrifice that much more dramatic. But now ironically, that was what was going to save them. And Jim as always was stunned by his Guide in action. The man was too much at times.

Between the very public firing of one Sid Graham, the now ex-publisher as well as ex-friend of Naomi Sandburg, with his unethical and flat-out illegal methods of pressuring authors into being publicized, and Chancellor Edwards’ review by the Rainier board of trustees for her part in the Bartley/Dissertation mess, it hadn’t been that difficult. Less than a week after Simon had offered the badge to Blair, things had been made right - for himself and for Jim. Reporters like Wendy, now on the screen with his friend, ate up the ‘grad student used as scapegoat’ gig that Blair was feeding them. And it wasn’t too far from the truth.

Jim smothered a chuckle as he picked up his beer and sipped it, watching the latest interview on TV. He had lost count of how many times Blair had told the same story to the press, to the public, to the University, to Berkshire Publishers. It never wavered, never deviated. And with Jim and Simon, as well as the entire CPD’s Major Crimes unit backing the ‘official’ explanation, people quickly changed their tune. Actually Jim did chuckle when he thought of how good he had felt to see his father stepping out of the board room at Rainier as Ellison Industries' new representative and a contributor to the Anthropology Dept. Blair Sandburg was having a very strange effect on the Ellison men, he was humanizing them.

Now, three weeks later, Blair was finishing up the last of the interviews and preparing himself to go to the Academy. He had already met his instructors and they felt he would do fine. The only thing they were concerned about was firearms training. So was Jim, for that matter.

 _*”So Blair, after all this, has anything changed in your mind?”*_ Wendy was winding up the interview. Blair smiled as he fingered his short curly hair, and hadn’t _*that *_ been a surprise for the Sentinel when his Guide returned home last Saturday.

 _*”Wendy,”*_ and Blair was smiling here. God, what a beautiful and carefree smile he had. _*”I can say a lot of things have already changed. I’ve left academia for a life as a police officer. I mean, how far have I come from the person that I was to pick up a gun? I, the ultimate pacifist, have pushed aside my peacenik beliefs to do my job."*_

Wendy smiled and nodded with him before hitting him with the last question, _*”Then why do it?”*_

Blair sobered, looked squarely into the camera and said, _*”Because there, I can do so much more than if I went tramping off into some jungle or sat teaching in a stuffy classroom. Out there, with Jim and all the others in the CPD, I can make a difference. I’m one man, but with other men and women like me, together we can do great things.”*_

Wendy smiled graciously as Blair finished his speech, _*”I feel more at home with those men and women, they accept me for who I am, they value my opinion. And they give of themselves every day for the people they are part of. They are the people who support me, my family."*_

Jim reached out with the remote and turned the TV off. He knew what came next. Blair would come home babbling incessantly about some girl he met at the studio, change his shirt and rush out once again. It happened every time.

And if it wasn't a girl he had just met, it was a girl from his past. Or maybe a girl he knew from school. Or Sam. And then there was the fact that it wasn't always a girl, Blair didn't see the need to restrict himself to just girls. No, as Jim well knew, Blair was equal opportunity in pretty much everything. Jim could count at least five times during the past three weeks when his roommate had come home smelling of another man. It wasn't new, he'd done it often enough before he left school and there was no reason he should have to change his sexual practices because he was studying to become a cop.

That's what he told Simon when the Captain had found out. He said it again when he was caught out on a date a week ago. And now, two days from entering the academy, Blair was going out again. It was making Jim sick.

“Hey Jim, you won’t believe the day I’ve had! Man it was great, did you watch the interview? Well of course you did, you’ve watched every one of them since I decided to stick around. So anyway, I met this girl at the studio, really sweet girl, funny, man! I gotta get ready to go. I promised Stacy I’d meet her at the café in 30 minutes.” He was in, moving, changing, shifting, leaving… With a muffled ‘Later, don’t wait up.’ Blair was gone in a flash.

And Jim was all alone again. It didn’t seem fair. Blair had given up everything for Jim, had been there for him. But when it was Blair’s turn to receive the same respect and love that he showed Jim, he was nowhere to be found. Jim sighed and stood up long enough to grab a beer, flick on the CD player and turn on one of the CDs he borrowed from Rhonda at the station.

The player began to play the first track and Jim settled in to relax and listen to the woman. Sure she warbled a bit and she wasn’t as clean as Santana. But her songs had a message and that appealed to him these days. Messages of love, of acceptance, of desire. Listening to ‘Power of Love’ he let his eyes drift closed.

o-O-o

Blair be-bopped into the loft about three hours later. The date had gone well but it had been nothing more than coffee and, later, some dancing in a nearby club. He had enjoyed the time but as usual had felt that something was missing.

So instead of going to bed with the girl with the flashing green eyes, he was home in the loft and staring down at… Jim. Well wasn’t this a normal occurrence these days? Blair bouncing from one date to another and Jim… good old Jim… faithful Jim… his best friend Jim was always there waiting for him to come home.

Blair pulled his jacket off and hung it up. Silently drifting over to the slumbering sentinel, Blair knelt by the couch and watched. He decided that now, before he went to bed, was a good time to stop and think about Jim. Because something was going on with the big man, he had no doubt.

Just last week, Jim had come home to find Blair headed out on a date with Tanya… or was it Sam? Nick? Didn’t matter, what did was Jim’s attitude about it. He had acted more stand-offish than usual; in fact it was almost as if they had gone back in time.

 _*”I’m just saying Chief, if you want to bounce from bed to bed like this, you might want to take along a crash helmet,” Jim snipped sharply. Blair quirked an eyebrow before replying.*_

 _*”And just what do you think I’m doing on these nights out, Jim? Sleeping with everybody with a pulse? Hell most nights I’m home by midnight!”*_

 _*Jim rolled his eyes, “It doesn’t take that long to have sex, Sandburg, even for you.”*_

 _*Blair glared at his friend, lip curling in a silent snarl, “Just what is it that’s getting to you man? Is it the fact that I’m out living life? Is it the amount of sex I’m getting? Or is it the company I’m keeping?”*_

Blair had not waited for the answer from the stammering Sentinel, had left immediately after the parting shot. He was half an hour late for his date, but as he recalled he didn’t have any troubles over it.

Now, watching Jim sleep, Blair wondered again what it was that got the man so upset over his dating habits. If it was the hours, the company, the sheer volume of time he was going out, maybe it was time to look for a new place to live, if only to make things easy for Jim. The only trouble was… Blair liked it here. He liked the loft, the balcony… the company.

If he had to leave, he didn’t think he could ever find a place that spoke of home to him like this place. But one thing was for sure, this trouble with Jim had to be figured out before they drove each other crazy. “Damnit Jim. I wish you would just tell me what it is you want.”

The CD player, which had been working in the background, tripped to the next track on the CD. Blair snickered when he heard Celine Dion’s nasally voice emanate from the speakers. Who knew that Jim had a spark of sappy romantic in him? And where did he get this CD anyway? It wasn’t in his collection, Blair was sure.

 _*I wanna be the face you see when you close your eyes  
I wanna be the touch you need every single night  
I wanna be your fantasy  
And be your reality  
And everything between*_

By the end of the first verse, Blair was leaning against the couch, his finger lightly tracing the contours of the sleeping man’s usually stoic jaw. The chorus reminded him a bit of Jim and his senses, the way that he could taste, feel and smell his guide wherever he had been. He felt Jim shift quietly on the couch and he held off a moment, not wanting to wake the big guy just yet. The words of the second verse floated around his head.

 _*Eyes that look deep into your soul*_ … that was so like Jim. He could look deeply into a person’s soul and tell you truth from lie with ease. Wanting to be the world for whomever he loved, that was the most typical of the Sentinel of all… And there was a time that Blair could remember Jim was his deepest kiss…

And now the chorus made a strange sort of sense to Blair as he watched the sleeping man smile a sleepy grin, turning over onto his back and dragging Blair’s hand with him. Blair froze as his palm was trapped and held against that soft cheek. He held his breath in hopes that Jim would stay asleep, but his hopes were dashed as Jim came awake, his eyes blinking and his fingers wandering over the hand he held.

Shifting to sit up, Jim looked and found Blair on his knees next to the couch, hand still caught in his grasp. And he smiled. Blair knew then, it hadn’t been a surprise to the big man to find Blair’s hand in his. He knew. Blair opened his mouth to say something, to speak, ask, beg… but Jim’s mouth opened first, whispering the words of the song with such intensity,

 _*”'Coz I need you more than you could know  
And I need you to never never let me go  
And I need to be deep inside your heart  
I just want to be everywhere you are”*_

Blair sighed with the heartfelt words that came from Jim’s mouth. Blinking back tears that he wasn’t sure why he was crying, he heard the final words of the song, the plea and the promise behind them telling Blair more than anything else that Jim meant this song for him, for a reason.

 _*”I want you to need me  
Like the air you breathe  
I want you to feel me  
In everything  
I want you to see me  
In your every dream”*_

The song continued to its fade out but Blair had lost the sound, transfixed as he was by Jim who stared back at him with equal interest. Also like Blair silent tears were beginning to drift down his cheeks.

Blair without conscious volition slid forward and laid a hand on Jim’s cheek swiping the tears with his thumb. “Is this it? Is this what you were trying to tell me?”

Jim nodded hesitantly before sitting up. He held the hand that caressed his face, drawing it to him, and eventually Blair was forced to stand and find a place right next to Jim cuddled against his side. Jim sniffed the top of Blair’s short curls.

“Remember Galileo?” Jim asked as the CD tripped to the next track. Blair sighed.

“How can I forget, man? I still despise elevators to this day.” They both chuckled lightly at the memory. Jim shifted on the couch, and tugged Blair on the arm until he felt the need to move over and into Jim’s lap. One hand trapped against the sturdy chest, the other allowed to roam free to stroke the short hairs at the back of the Sentinel’s neck. Blair remembered.

“We kissed,” he began as Jim stroked a hand down his back. “You were scared, I was scared and we had kissed. Then we started to take it further…”

Jim raised Blair’s face with his free hand. “I tried to tell you then, Chief. This wasn’t just a flash in the pan. I wanted you then but you were scared and I let it go.”

“A fear of commitment… I didn’t want to lose my friend.” Blair muttered as he stared straight into Jim’s eyes.

“You didn’t lose me… And as for commitment, what do you call this? Over three years invested in this, the project and our friendship.” Jim smiled weakly. “You’ve lasted longer than Carolyn and that’s saying something.”

Blair chuckled as weakly as Jim’s smile. “Not much, what you could have seen in her callousness is beyond me, man.”

They both laughed. As they relaxed in each other’s arms again, Blair glanced back at Jim and caught a flash of desire, arousal… and want in Jim’s eyes. “Jim, tell me what you want?”

Jim answered with as much intensity in his voice as in his eyes, “I want you to need me, like I need you.”

Blair held Jim’s gaze as long as he could as he leaned forward, “I do need you.”

Their kiss was long, sweet, caressing and loving. And by the time they rose for air, they knew that it was going to be all right now.


End file.
